The internal dialogue


Little Mo is in bed and we’re having a quiet Saturday night enjoying the expanse of Sunday potential that is unfolding before us tomorrow.

Today has been a lovely day albeit in everything but the weather, which remains relentlessly wet and grim here in London town. The irony of the huge advert slapped on the side of buses which shouts WE ARE IN DROUGHT seems to be particularly cruel if like me you happen to be humbly cycling along one day minding your own business when said bus with shouty advert races through a puddle next to you and soaks you head to foot. Still: on the bright side, we are in for a lush green bounteously blooming sparkly summer after all this rain aren’t we… aren’t we…?

This morning I awoke in my parents’ house, I stayed there last night sans Maurice because I was going out for a much-needed fun girly night of good food and wine with a couple of lovely friends in west London, and my equally lovely husband looked after the baby all night. So I woke this bright new day at 8am (a LO-HO-HONG lie in from regular life) having had a massively healing 7 hours’ sleep almost unbroken, apart from a few “where’s the baby??” moments from which I was able to quickly return to slumber. As I made my way back to south east London I encountered a logistical issue when topping up my Oyster card, the details of which I really don’t need to trouble you with. I found myself saying in my head “ugh such an idiot”…and I suddenly took a step back and realised that I often call myself an idiot and berate myself for stumbling on these minor potholes in the road.

This consistent, quiet but definite soundtrack to myself must have an effect day by day. It made me wonder about the internal dialogue that we all live alongside. Have you ever stopped to listen to yours? I started to muse the fact that I wouldn’t ever talk to/about my best friend, sister or husband the way that I talk to or about myself as I would consider it mean and a bit rude, a bit hurtful to their feelings. So why am I so happy and quick to be so mean to myself? A good friend of mine once chided me by saying “In the red corner, it’s … Anya! And in the blue corner, it’s…Anya!”, and that rang in my ears today.

Tune in to your internal dialogue, the way you talk to yourself and talk about yourself every day. Do you unthinkingly say negative things about yourself? Just saying them makes your fibres, body, muscles, heart believe them on some level and will chip away at your posture, self esteem and your ability to achieve and progress. So turn it round and give yourself a positive spin whenever you can. Catch yourself, be kind instead of mean, and make friends with ultimately the most important person in your life. You!

On another note, by way of making friends with myself even further today, I added to the sleep bonus this morning by heading to H&B Therapy in East Dulwich for an organic facial, and it was pretty amazing. As I’ve said before, meditation is a wonderful way of tuning in to your body and clearing your mind, and a facial is a luxuriously meditative experience, being gently massaged into a beautifully relaxed state with fabulous smelling organic potions, and tending to my shockingly neglected skin to boot. It feels like i’ve had a very selfishly indulgent day, but I feel replenished and revitalised so Maurice will no doubt benefit from this new lease of life of mine!

Until the next time…


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