addendum…

Hello again

I had quite a lot of response yesterday to my post, which was humbling and in parts emotional, and it made me want to add an addendum today to say that I do realise of course that ALL birth comes with its drama and ride on an emotional roller coaster. I wasn’t intending to suggest that c-section births are per se more traumatic and that all natural birth is “perfect and ideal”, I know that it’s not! A friend commented that “neither method has much to recommend it”, which will evoke a knowing smile among all mothers, however they brought their babies into this world. I also am aware that a c-section birth under the right circumstances can be a positive experience so I wasn’t suggesting that everyone would encounter the emotional negative journey that I and others may have found themselves on. However there is an external judgment placed on caesareans, the “too posh to push” school of thought, which boggles the mind and ignores the very real, personal and serious reasons that inform someone’s decision to elect to have a caesarean birth. My sister astutely pointed out to me that in Shakespeare’s Macbeth, Macduff is referred to as “not of woman born” because he came into this world by caesarean, and this highlights the multitude of different judgments that are implicitly heaped upon a non-natural birth and make it apparently a non-authentic birth experience for a woman. Frankly, Maurice wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for the emergency caesarean, and I realise this and am thankful everyday.

This was my personal birth story and the physical and emotional fall out from it, and specifically related to the caesarean I feel that we’re rather left at sea as to how to rebuild ourselves physically after the operation, there is simply no advice offered about recovery and what you can expect or should attempt, you are just sent home with a packet of pain relief (oh, and a new baby to look after…) and that’s about it. Not to mention the emotional aspect that we may (or may not) be left with.

I am very interested in exploring this further, having spoken to and taught many c-section mummies now with all of our different birth stories and reasons behind the operation, we all seem to share one thing (along with the overhang), that is a sense of vague confusion about how we should have gone about mending ourselves physically, and whether all the various aches and pains that we’re occasionally still left with in our bellies are normal.

I’m moved to try and gather together more information, experience, advice, and compile it into a coherent and useable form (a book, perhaps…) for new mums to use, to help build themselves a step by step day by day programme for rebirth and rejuvenation post-caesarean.

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One thought on “addendum…

  1. I can really easily relate to your feeling of not having “had” you baby, as it were. My first child was also born by cesearian and it took me a long time to get my head around it. Strangely enough though, I didn’t really admit this to myself and just carried in with day to day surviving of small baby stuff. I would say it wasn’t until I had my second, this time in the natural way (but then what’s natural I now ask) that I really faced how I felt the first time around. I remember clearly absolutely avoiding saying things like “when I had him” or “at his birth”. It makes me sad to realise that I probably carried on like this for a long time. It’s only now I have something to compare it to I realise just how hard on myself I was. So since the birth of my second, I have allowed myself time to think about my firsts birth (there, I said it) and allow myself a bit of slack.
    Incidentally after my seconds birth she spent 3 days in intensive care which was very frightening. It was more of a precaution but we didn’t know that for sure at the time. I didn’t manage to hold or feed her for a few hours after she was taken there. I still feel ridiculous guilt over this but am working on confronting that and not ending up burying these feelings.
    I think you are doing a good, and brave thing opening up your thoughts on Mo’s birth and allowing yourself to come to terms with it.
    Three years on I can safely say that my little mad man hasn’t suffered any ill effects and is busy testing my other capacities of patience and stubbornness 😉

    Like

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