Things I’ve learnt

Freddie is now 5 months old. I’ve learnt that with a nearly-4 year old and a baby you don’t get much “done” except doing life day to day. But, as John Lennon said, life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

  Other things I’ve learnt over the last few months:

Eating chocolate without your child noticing is an art worth perfecting.

Nothing beats the smugness of having successfully and single-handedly magicked two children to sleep. Even though you know that one of them will wake before the glass of wine makes it to your lips, savour that damned smugness. 

Things are 100% easier, and 100% harder second time round. Easier: how to work out a car seat; how the hell to change a nappy while half asleep and in semi darkness; the paraphernalia, sleep deprivation and chaos of babyhood is already in place and therefore not a huge body shock. Harder: getting dressed. Getting out the door. Eating a meal. Finishing a senten…

When people say that breastfeeding makes the baby weight “fall off”, they fail to take into account the amount of cake/chocolate/biscuits  you earn while breastfeeding, sitting down for large periods of time.

Me time takes on a different shape: a trip to the loo without company, or a peaceful solo jaunt around the supermarket. Bonus me time points if the supermarket visit includes shopping for any luxury items such as a magazine, or moisturiser of any kind not related to babies’ bottoms. Might as well be a trip to a spa resort. 

Be grateful and arrogant every day. I am bloody beautiful amazing and brilliant for getting not only myself but two other people dressed today.

Exercise should be appreciated in its myriad forms. A softplay visit incorporates cardiovascular fitness, agility and strength.

Watching finding nemo offered me a new mantra for when days are long: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming…

I looked at Maurice asleep the other day and realised he is no longer a baby or even a toddler. I have learnt that the days are long, but the years are short.

Boys are Harder Than Girls

Mother of all Lists

I am Mamma to two boys. This doesn’t make me too well equipped to talk about the gender divide. All I know is what my tiny fellas have taught me.

Having a boy means you will….

Get asked ‘did you want a girl?’

Get asked ‘are you going to keep trying for a girl?’

Already dread the smell of their teenage bedroom (and potential walking in on wanking situ’s).

Know you are going to loose them to another woman one day.

Hope that you will not become ‘The Mother-in-Law from Hell’.

Remember that your Mother-in-Law thought that once too.

Feel a bit short-changed when yours go for the less conventional “Daddy’s Boy” approach.

Learn that boys never sit still. They run. They jump. They wrestle. They climb.

Until they discover TV. Then they become zombies. The absolute inability to chat whilst staring at a screen is something men are born…

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